Elevate Your Health Colorado Early Heartbreak

Most of what we do in our field of OB/GYN is happy.  But not everything. I saw a sweet patient of mine the other day-and I’ve seen many others like her unfortunately-who had an ectopic pregnancy and then a miscarriage. 

An ectopic pregnancy is when the pregnancy develops in the fallopian tube, instead of the uterus.  This can actually be a life threatening situation for the mother, and there is no hope of it becoming a normal, healthy pregnancy.  If someone has had an ectopic pregnancy, they are at increased risk for having another one, though its more likely that their next pregnancy will be a normal pregnancy, in the uterus. 

Unfortunately, all pregnancies have a risk of ending in miscarriage.  I’ve seen some information that this risk can be as high as 20% (many of these would be early, before a woman even really knows she is pregnant).  So even though someone has suffered through an ectopic pregnancy, if she gets pregnant again, and the pregnancy is in the uterus where it is supposed to be, she is still subject to the same odds as anyone else.  Nature does not give you a break because you already had bad luck.  If a woman has never had a child and her first few pregnancies end like this, it can really be heartbreaking.

One thing is for sure, when a woman finds out she is pregnant, that is her baby.  Sure there are exceptions to this rule, as in the case of a truly unintended pregnancy, a birth control failure, or some other truly devastating circumstance.  I think in those situations a miscarriage may be a blessing in disguise.  But when a woman wants to have a baby, and sees that positive test, she is in it, head over heels.  And if that pregnancy ends in miscarriage, it is a true loss.  This can be a hard situation.  No one knew she was pregnant, she wasn’t “showing.”  No one else is really invested yet except the woman who is pregnant.  Make no mistake: a miscarriage is a true loss, and it is heartbreaking.  If it happens more than once, it is quite hard to deal with.

But these emotions, this sense of loss, are all normal, even if the outside world doesn’t really realize what the woman is going through.  And nature has a funny way of working things out, most of the time.  Most of these women will go on to have wonderful children.  And as I always tell my patients, when they finally give birth to their beloved child, things worked out for a reason.  But when you are in the middle of it, trying to process this loss of this tiny, new life, it is so, so hard. 

One thing my patients say is that no one ever talks about it, they feel like they are the only ones who have ever had to deal with this.  Well, I’m very sorry to say, that the scenario of ectopic pregnancy, miscarriage, is all too common.  See if your friends and family will open up. Most women have been through it (I know I have), and, I’m happy to say, gone on to raise lots of kids-only to yell at them as teenagers: “I brought you into this world, I can take you out!!!”

So if you are dealing with this, remember, you are not alone, and the odds are in your favor.