Elevate Your Health Colorado What the baby books might not be telling you!

So, you’re an expectant mother nearing your due date, and you’ve read a ton of baby books. You think you’re totally prepared, waiting for the big day, and you can even envision the exciting trip home with the baby. Your family is growing, and soon, you’ll all be snug as a bug.

Well, perhaps not quite. 

A whole new world awaits you, and it’s full of surprises!  But fear not, you aren’t alone.  Even the experts in the field—mothers coming home with their second or third child, and Ob/Gyn doctors who have children themselves—were dazed, literally and figuratively, during the first month with their newborn.

Here are some ‘surprises’ new mothers may face and tips on handling them:

• Breastfeeding is not always natural. “Breastfeeding is not intuitive for you or your baby,” says Kelly, a member who has gone through this process twice in the last three years. “Together, you have to learn to coordinate the mechanics of your bodies to achieve a good latch, and that takes time and practice. The first few days before your milk comes in are the most stressful and you have to trust that your baby is getting what she needs from that tiny amount of colostrum."

Dr. Joyce Gottesfeld, Ob/Gyn–East Medical Offices, and mother of three, says she was also surprised what her body went through after giving birth.  “I tell my patients that when they go home, they’re going to leak!  It could be sweat, or tears, or milk – you name it.”

• Most newborn clothes will go to waste. “The more adorable it is, the less likely you are to get much use out of it,” says one expert. “The worst are stiff little outfits that have to be tugged over their heads. By the time it's on, you're both crying.”
  • TIP – You’ll need just the basics, two or three outfits, four to six ‘onesies,’ four or five sleep-sacks or one-piece sleepers with attached feet, a small baby cap, and six or so pairs of socks/booties. Newborns outgrow these quickly.

• Relationships with friends will (temporarily) change. “Your friends without kids won't get it, but fortunately, you can be the understanding friend when they go through it in the future,” advises one expert.
  • TIP – It’s an opportune time to establish rewarding new ties with others who have small children.

• Getting to know your baby takes a while. “I thought I was the worst mom in the world when I would struggle to remember my new baby's name. Later, you realize that short-term memory loss is a sure sign of sleep deprivation,” says one expert.

• You won’t have time for anything else – including sleep. “In the beginning, it's a struggle to get dressed before mid-afternoon, let alone accomplish anything unrelated to the baby,” says one mother. “Your day-to-day schedule changes entirely to coincide with the baby’s schedule,” says another. “Time has no relevance. There’s no schedule for being awake or asleep.”
  • TIP – When friends or family ask to help, take them up on it! “The best advice I can give a new mom is to let others take care of her,” says Dr. Lisa Schwebach, Ob/Gyn–Arapahoe Medical Offices. “If family is in town to meet the new baby, have them cook and clean and run errands so that the new mom can rest and tend to the baby. I also suggest the new mom does something nice for herself while she has family and friends that can help, like get a pedicure or massage, or maybe have lunch with friends. This does wonders for her mental health.”

• Beware: Extra helpers could be extra work. Amy, a proud mother of a six-month old girl, was surprised of how much extra work it took on her behalf to care for not just her baby, but for the relatives and friends who stayed over to help out. “Having the extra set of hands is nice, but it also means extra sheets to wash, beds to make, towels to set out, and food to prepare,” she says.
  • TIP – “If you’re planning on having out-of-town guests, I suggest you plan out their stay. Set up their accommodations well in advance of the baby. Prepare meal plans with directions to the grocery store, and maybe start a list of ‘items I need’ so they can step right in. Make it easier for them to help, so you can relax, if possible, and they can ‘help’ in a meaningful way,” Amy says.

• You won’t always know what your crying baby wants. “But you’ll try EVERYTHING imaginable to soothe them,” says one expert.
  • TIP – Don’t let it get to you. It’s all about getting to know your baby. Sooner than later, you’ll develop a ‘second sense’ about what’s going on with them.

• You still look about six months pregnant right after delivering the baby. “It takes weeks, if not months, for your uterus to shrink back down, regardless of how much weight you gained during the pregnancy,” says one expert. “The ‘pooch’ does make a nice shelf to support the new baby, so maybe it's Nature's (annoying) gift.”

• You question your maternal instincts. The constant crying, feeding, fussiness and lack of sleep can make new moms cry out for a break themselves. This can happen, despite your intense love for the child. “The response to care for your offspring, above all else, is unbelievably instinctual,” says Cristin Panzarella, Ob/Gyn-Franklin Medical Offices, and a mother of 16-month-old twins. “Even though you worry that you don’t really know what to do as a new mom, deep down you know that what your baby really needs is you! A little self-doubt is normal, but so is a little paranoia and over-protectiveness. It should balance out in a few weeks.”
  • TIP – Give yourself a break, and talk to others about this to help vent the emotions.

• Postpartum depression can rear its ugly head.
  • TIP – "Get help. Talk with your doctor about how you are feeling. There are things you can do to treat postpartum depression that can prevent long-term consequences for you and your baby," says Dr. Gottesfeld.

• Projectile vomiting and pooping happens.

Remember: If you’re an expectant new mom, try to re-read this two or three weeks after you’re home with your new baby. It will remind you that you’re certainly not alone with these and many other surprises.